


Backfire

by itsallonfire



Category: Firebringer - Team StarKid
Genre: Cavewives, F/F, Fluffy, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Polyamory, kinda angsty, unspecified era, very much so, what even are these tags, yes they're polyam because that's how it should be, zazzalil is emotional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-16 20:51:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19325866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsallonfire/pseuds/itsallonfire
Summary: Jemilla, Zazzalil, and Keeri are submerged in their new marriage and a minor argument takes a bit of a turn, causing the most erratic of the three to cope in the one way she knows how.(This is my first fic on any Starkid show, and I haven't actually written fanfic in years, so take it easy on me.)





	Backfire

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to make the language as neutral as I could when it comes to timeline, to make it fit any era as much as possible. See it as you would like.

“I don’t get it, Jemilla,” Zazzalil murmured under her breath. “I’m sorry, I just... don’t.”

“What is there to get? I can see you’re upset about something, but you have to communicate what’s not right, babe.” Jemilla stood a good fifteen feet from Zazzalil, not feeling that instinctual pull to her wife like usual.. 

“Jemilla,” Zazz said, smacking her palms down on the chest she was sitting on, “do I have to spell it out for you? You haven’t been listening to me or any of my ideas. I thought that was the point of your whole renaissance when we got married.”

Jemilla brought her hands up to rub over her face. “It’s not as simple as that, Zazz, you know it isn’t. I’ve been listening. There’s a difference between listening to your ideas and then actually implementing them.”

“Well, why don’t you tell me what makes that difference so vast here, huh? How about that?”

With a stiff exhale, Jemilla dropped both arms heavily to her sides, turning away from Zazzalil in frustration. “Zazz, I vowed to always give your ideas a try. Sounds real nice, doesn’t it? The problem there is that I didn’t consider that sometimes, giving shit a try doesn’t even seem plausible with you.”

Zazzalil was on her feet, fists balled and jaw clenched. “You can’t even stick to a wedding vow?” The fire in her voice hadn’t come out for weeks. 

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to when none of the shit you suggest makes any fucking sense.” Jemilla put her face down in her hands for a second, and then heaved her shoulders as she turned back to Zazzalil. “I should have fucking guessed, with you.”

The assertive glint in Zazzalil’s eyes was gone in a second. Her fists flattened. Those tensed shoulders drooped as she let her mouth open the slightest bit. Her lips trembled.

Jemilla took a step back. She folded her hands and brought them up to her mouth, looking down at the floor. She couldn’t stand to see the defeat and pain in her wife’s face.

“Jemilla… I don’t…” Zazz couldn’t seem to find anything else to say. She stared for a second. Her feet started pulling her away and she ran out the door. Jemilla couldn’t get a word out before she was gone.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A storm had been raging outside for a couple of days. The saturated dirt and grass plastered to Zazzalil’s bare feet and legs as she hastily stumbled out to the treeline, the rainfall and her heavy breathing the only things meeting her senses. She threw herself into a tree trunk, tossing her arms around it and grasping at the soaked bark with her fingers, desperate to feel something. She swallows hard and almost chokes, thinking her lungs were certainly full of rainwater. 

Jemilla's words stuck in her head: None of the shit you suggest makes any fucking sense. 

Such a simple phrase, so strange that it would destroy her so much. Zazzalil had heard similar phrases so many times it made her sick to hear it in her wife’s voice, the woman who had vowed to protect her and nurture her wild imaginations. It hurt Zazzalil to feel the rain on her face and yearn for Jemilla’s kisses instead. She pressed her face to the rough tree bark and let her hot tears fall. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Keeri had heard the tensed voices coming from Jemilla and Zazzalil’s room. She didn’t think very much of it, since new marriages bring about many arguments -- she and Zazzalil still argued as well -- but when she couldn’t find Zazzalil anywhere after a good twenty minutes of asking around, her worries built until she looked out at the storm and her stomach turned. The forest was always Zazz’s hiding place when she couldn’t stand being around anyone. 

“Jemilla,” she whispered, poking her head into the room.

“What is it, Keeri?” Jemilla asked frustratedly, facing the other direction as she folded clothes to put back into the chest. 

“Well, you don’t seem to be in the best mood, but... um... I can’t seem to find Zazzalil.” She shifted her eyes around before adding, “Anywhere.”

Jemilla sighed and tossed her hand up, muttering, “I’m sure she’s just hiding off somewhere, babe. She does that quite frequently, you know.”

“Yeah, I know that, but... I think I would have found her by now. I’ve been looking for a pretty long time.” Keeri looked past Jemilla, out the window, and something in her chest tightened. “And... it’s storming pretty bad out there.”

“Keeri, Zazzalil is fine. She’s a big girl, she can take care of herself.” Jemilla saw the look on Keeri’s face and softened, stepping over to her and putting her hands on her wife’s shoulders. “Listen. I know you’re worried, but we know Zazzalil and we know that she’s smart and she can keep herself safe, right?. Sometimes she just needs some detachment.”

Keeri forced on a smile and nodded. “Okay. Thanks, Jemilla.”

Jemilla gave her a kiss on the cheek. “You’re the best, babe. Don’t let too much worry into that pretty little head of yours.”

Keeri was left in the doorway with even more distress running through her veins, in no way reassured that Zazzalil hasn’t gotten her into some kind of deep shit. There was one day when Zazz had messed up building something and sat in a covered basket for hours until Grunt tried to use it and was very alarmed when the basket screamed as he picked it up. Jemilla was always the optimist, perhaps more confident in Zazzalil’s mental stability than she should have been. Keeri knew that, even though both her wives were grown adults, Zazzalil was always the first to run away, in every sense of the term. 

Unable to stifle her concern, Keeri put on another layer and decided to brave the cold, driving rain. She’d always been afraid of thunder, but her determination took her steadily out to the trees, the water dripping down the back of her neck barely bothering her. 

“Zazz?” she called out, over and over again. She could barely hear herself over the rain on the trees. Her heart raced, blood rushing in her ears. 

Finally, through the grey air, she made out a huddled form a few yards away. Keeri hurried over and fell to her knees, almost sliding on the wet leaves. Zazzalil had her back to a tree and her legs drawn up, arms and head atop her knees. Her shoulders shuddered the slightest bit. 

“Zazzalil?” Keeri whispered. She placed her hand on Zazz’s back.

Zazzalil jerked up and met Keeri’s eyes, frightened. 

“It’s me, Zazz, it’s alright.” She put her other hand out, letting Zazzalil take hold of it for a second before retracting back into her ball of tears. Keeri felt a tugging at her heart and wrapped her arm around Zazzalil’s trembling shoulders. “Why are you out here? It’s freezing.”

Zazzalil shook her head and murmured into her arms, “I’m fucking useless.” A pitiful sob followed the statement.

“You are not. What made you think that?”

Zazzalil lifted her head and choked out, “Jemilla. She said none of my ideas ever make sense.”

“Bullshit,” Keeri said. “I’m sure she didn’t mean to upset you, Zazz. She’s been so stressed lately.”

“But she’s right. I never have anything good to contribute and I just fuck shit up everywhere I go.” 

Keeri couldn’t stand the hurt she saw in Zazzalil’s eyes and wrapped both arms around her, pulling her in tight and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m so sorry you feel like that.”

Zazzalil liked the warmth she felt in Keeri and clung onto her, letting out a couple more tears into the wet skin of her neck. Tightening her arms around Keeri, she murmured, “I don’t want to feel unwanted anymore, Keeri. I’m tired of it.” 

“Zazz, no.” Keeri took Zazzalil’s face in her hands and tried her hardest to communicate something with her eyes that she didn’t know how to any other way. Her heart was bursting with the pain of thinking that the woman in front of her -- a woman she loved more than herself -- felt the way she did. Wiping Zazz’s wet hair out of her face, she said, “Let’s go inside, babe. We might be able to talk through some things where it’s less... wet.”

Stumbling through the rain and mud, Keeri brought Zazzalil back through the door sent Tiblyn to find Jemilla. Keeri ran to get Zazz a towel, taking her to the bathroom where she promptly sank to the floor, shivering. Keeri sat with her, trying to warm her up and calm her down. 

Through the silence, Jemilla came running into the room and collapsed beside Zazzalil, throwing her arms around her. “Oh my God, Zazz,” she whispered, tears lodging up in her throat. She held her wife close and covered her face in warm kisses. “I’m so sorry, baby. I never should have said those things, not to you.” 

Zazzalil found a comforting place to nestle against in Jemilla’s arms and said, “I’m sorry I ran.”

“No, Zazzy, that’s what you do and it’s okay.” Jemilla kissed her ear a couple of times. “I’m just so glad you’re safe.” She looked up at Keeri and took her hand, squeezing it. “Thank you, honey. Thank you for bringing her back all in one piece.”

Keeri smiled. She didn’t say a word, just gave both women in front of her kisses before quietly slipping out of the room. 

Jemilla rubbed Zazzalil’s arm, feeling her shivering. “God, baby, you’re so cold.”

“And muddy,” Zazzalil whispered.

Jemilla chuckled through her near-tears. “Just a little. We should get you cleaned up, though, okay? How about a bath? Might warm you up, too.”

Zazzalil nodded. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

While Zazzalil sat in the tub of water, stripped of her soaked, muddy dress, she rested her temple on her knee, staring at the wall. Her thoughts were still bombarding her and twisting something in her head, but she closed her eyes and focused on the feeling of Jemilla’s hand gently rubbing her back. 

“Zazz?” Jemilla said quietly, looking like she was trying to smile but couldn’t manage it. “Can I ask you what you’re thinking about?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know.” 

“Don’t give me that seven-year-old to talk to, not now.”

Zazzalil sighed. “I’m thinking about how you were right.” She spoke so softly that Jemilla would have missed it if she hadn’t been listening closely.

“Right about what?”

She looked in the other direction and whispered, “About my ideas always being shit.”

Jemilla felt her heart sink deep into her stomach. She exhaled to keep the tears at bay. “Honey... I shouldn’t have said that. I wasn’t thinking. I never should have said something so hurtful to you.”

Zazzalil let her hands fall into the water, sending droplets flying up around her. “But it’s true, Jemilla, don’t you get that? I have nothing good to contribute and I’m always fucking things up.” She put her head down again and dug her fingers into her hair. “I just fuck everything up,” she said, quieter this time, something else defeating her voice.

“Zazz, look at me,” Jemilla said sternly. She took Zazzalil’s face in her hands. Their eyes met like the rain tumbling to the earth outside, a warm friction forming between them. “You do not fuck everything up. I know that what you’ve been told your whole life suggests otherwise, but listen to me. We would never be where we are now without your ideas, your plans, your... instinct. You’re fucking brilliant, and it breaks me apart to see you feel like this about yourself. I said so many things today that never should have even... entered my head, and I can’t forgive myself for that, but…” Jemilla looked down for a moment, chuckling a little. “For once in your goddamn life, I want you to listen to the idiot you married and trust me that you’re so, so far from being useless, okay? Can you trust me on that?”

Zazzalil took Jemilla’s hand and looked down at it. She gave the smallest nod and quickly reached up to wrap her arms around Jemilla’s neck, finding a place on her shoulder to release the tears bubbling up in her eyes. Jemilla’s arms fell naturally around Zazzalil’s back and she sat still to let the air lighten.

“Thank you,” whispered Zazzalil, pulling tighter into her wife’s arms. “I love you, Jemilla. Thank you.”

“I love you too, Zazzy.” As Zazzalil pulled back, Jemilla said, “Hey, it’s getting late and you’re tired. We should get to bed.”

Usually, Zazzalil would put up a three-minute argument about how she wasn’t tired yet, but she easily gave in on this one. She got out of the water, drained it, and slipped on some nightclothes before following Jemilla to their bedroom. 

They both grinned when they saw that Keeri had already retired to bed, having changed into dry clothes, no doubt exhausted by the day’s events as well. Zazzalil wasted no time and went to curl up beside her, Jemilla following close behind. 

As they got comfortable, Keeri let out a quiet hum and managed to get an arm around Zazzalil’s waist, where Jemilla took hold of Keeri’s hand. Zazzalil settled her head on Jemilla’s chest and murmured sleepily, “You’re right; the middle really is the best place to be in this bed.”

Jemilla smiled and kissed Zazzalil’s forehead. “Get to sleep, my Firebringer. Then we can make tomorrow a better day.”


End file.
